One of the most difficult thing to do is to try then fall over and over and over again. Pray and cried, beg and pleaded, however, the constant losing is ever present. How can one go on? How to stay positive when you haven't experienced positivity? I know I want to continue but is this the smart move? I do need to start moving intelligently. Not sure if this will work (not that I haven't been moving intelligently) I just know what I'm doing now isn't working. I'm looking for answers. Anyone with better intelligence would have stopped. The amount of money, time, and energy I put into everything is observed. I can't imagine not having that apartment after the work I put in. It's just amazing how I mastered the art of losing. I'm trying to be fair here. And, I'm trying to look at my situation honestly. I went to my brother for guidances but he told me what the master told Bruce Lee Roy. The answer lies within. You mean to tell me I have to trust myself when myself has been failing miserably? How can I trust the process under which I use? How can I continue to pray about things I have prayed about for years? What I'm I to do with this dream I'm told hold on to? My passion that has not left, what I'm supposed to do with this? I have many questions and I really don't want answers, I want solutions! I don't want encouragement, I want doors open.